Scars of Healing

a few months ago i was helping some friends repaint THOUSANDS of crosses. in the process i got a blister on my right hand. i didn't realize it until i was driving home from helping them.

it took WEEKS & WEEKS for the exposed skin of the popped blister to heal & for regrowth (i guess that's what you'd call it) to happen. even still, months later, there is a circle scar on my right hand where the blister was.

these crosses that i was helping to repaint are part of the Benton County Right To Life movement. a team of people display the 4,000 crosses throughout Arkansas to give a visual to the amount of lives lost daily to abortion.

as i've gone through the healing process of my blister, i've found myself lost in thought & prayer for the women of America who have fallen prey to the lie that there are little to no side effects of abortion.

i did not know i was getting wounded until the damage was done. i was driving home before i realized my hand had a popped blister that was red, puffy, & even a bit pussy. when i got home & disinfected it, the sting of the "healing" hurt more than getting the blister. just when i thought it was healed, a layer of skin would come off again, & the skin would be re-exposed, tender, & in need of constant moisturizing.

i am close friends with women who have had abortion(s) throughout their life. the pain, side effects, & hauntings were not evident in the clinic. it was afterwards. on their drive home. when they met women with the same due date as them. when the time of year would roll around when the abortion had taken place. one thing i have realized, the scar on my hand does not have to serve as a reminder of the wound. the scar serves as a reminder that my wound is healed

there has not been a day that has gone by since i got my blister that i have not looked at my hand & found myself praying for GOD's healing in the hearts of women - young & old - who have been impacted by the blister of abortion. i pray that God - in His all loving, gracious, & forgiving way - will disinfect, moisturize, & heal that open wound so only the scar of His Healing would remain.

Speaking for the voiceless,
cbs
Romans 8:1 "There is now therefore no condemnation for all who are in Christ..."

marvelous light

i answered the phone to hear my mom's shaking voice informing me that a friend & teammate of my brother's had unexpectedly died.

when i got back to work from lunch i was thinking of how unfortunate it was for Casey's life to be cut short. just as the thought came in i heard, "into marvelous light i am running. out of darkness. out of shame. by the cross You are the truth, You are the life, You are the way."

tonight my hope was confirmed. Casey has run into that marvelous light. his heart was surrendered to Christ. although answers of his untimely death will not come, there is a comfort in knowing that God - somehow - will work all things out for good.

random rantings (cont'd)

i have the awesome blessing of...A JOB! yes, i am aware that employment in this economy is not something to complain about -- so, i won't. i am very grateful for the God-fearing women whom i get to call boss AND friend. i am grateful for my spanish teachers (a.k.a. co-workers) who are teaching me new words and phrases daily. i WILL be fluent in spanish & french before i'm 30 years old. i'm grateful for the opportunity to influence so many lives for brief glimpses of their day as they come to sign in to see their doctor. it truly is a great way to spend my day!

now, can i follow that up with a HOWEVER...? it's my blog, so i'm going to say i can.
however, it's not what i was created for. i am notorious for over-spiritualizing things. but, i don't think this is one of those instances. pastor clint thomas gave a great message at slowburn a few months ago (www.slowburnnashville.com). it was part of his GUTS series & he challenged us to identify our "inhale" and "exhale." both are required to live.

do you ever have those moments that you let your heart & mind wander? i do quite often, honestly. (especially during both of my daily 1hr drives). i'm pretty sure i'd be fulfilled to work part-time at a local coffeeshop and spend the rest of my time volunteering here, there, and everywhere. finding a need & having the time & resources to meet that need. don't you wonder how that's possible in the movies?? people are able to live comfortably with no worries about bills or paychecks and they have the coolest, most flexible jobs that give them the freedom to spend all their time doing what they actually WANT to do? =)

but, obviously, i don't live in the movies (although i think a reality show of the steele family would be mildly entertaining). so, tomorrow i'll wake up at 5:45am. i'll leave for work at 6:45am. i'll work from 7:45am-4:45pm. i'll do it with a grateful heart while hoping for that miraculous door of opportunity to open.

restlessly content to pursue His fullness moment-by-moment,
cbs

random rantings

the past few weeks i have found myself asking, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" to quite a few people. it's a fun way for me to get to know people and it can lead to some awesome conversations!
this morning at work, i thought, "what difference am i making today?" i mean, sure, i'm nice to the patients who come in our clinic. i attempt to portray the reality of Christ to my co-workers. but, do you ever have that, "there must be more to life than this," feeling? oh, it was stirring BIG TIME in my heart this morning!

since coming home there has been GREAT progress made at Shiloh Retreat Center. that is encouraging to my soul! i think once that is going full speed ahead, i'll have a venue to impact lives. but, i don't want to wait. i don't want to spend my life in neutral. i want to be moving forward at all times.

perhaps i'm just getting antsy, because for the first time i see ACTION taking place for this DREAM to become a reality. oh, i have dreamed of the day that youth from all over will gather at Shiloh Retreat Center to worship the ONE, TRUE GOD! these youth will dive into the depths of His Truth and be forever changed by the power of His reality. friends! when i think about it, tears come to my eyes, my heart beats faster, and i just want to squeal in delight!

but, alas, we're in work mode. we're in preparation mode. hmmm, i wonder if Jesus ever feels like this as He prepares our Heavenly Home and awaits our arrival. He knows what a joyous experience it will be that He just can't contain His excitement! but, that doesn't change the reality that there's preparation to be done before the experience can happen.

random rantings from my heart,
cbs

timely reminder

this afternoon i found myself at my computer looking over old emails & journal entries. WHAT A REFRESHING TIME!!! i was totally reminded of the work GOD has & is doing in my heart.
it's late. i'm tired. i get to go to work tomorrow. all that to say...expect a loaded blog soon....

Wonder Tour Journal Entry

june 10, '09

Abba,
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
A couple nights ago li'l Miss London showed me her lightning bug container. She was gonna catch some lightning bugs and "take 'em back to her bus." (they've been sleeping in a tour bus).
Last night during WT worship I saw a couple lightning bugs, but, didn't think much of it. After worship one of the students came up to me and said, "I just had a miracle!"
He went on to share that he saw lightning bugs during worship adn thought, "why are they in here? They don't belong."
God showed him that we are the lightning bugs. The community may be looking at us thinking, "Why are they here? They don't belong."
But, we keep doing our thing and shining His light. Eventually somebody is gonna do what London did. Osawatomie, Kansas is coming into the Wonder Tour with their "containers" (aka hearts) to catch some "lightning bugs" (aka Jesus) and take Him home to light up their room.
Thank You, Jesus, for Your TRUTH which can be proclaimed over Osawatomie!

John 12:35-36
"Then Jesus told them, 'You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Those who walk in the dark do not know where they are going. Put your trust in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.'"

graduations, weddings, reunion, & more...

well, since arriving in arkansas early friday, may 21, i have had the joyful privilege of:
*attending my niece's kindergarten graduation
*attending harber high school senior graduation where many of my transfer youth were graduating
*attending and participating in cody & jacquelyn bunton's wedding
*attending a transfer reunion (courtesy of cody & jacq's wedding that brought us all together)

it's been a whirlwind since i got here =). i'm now looking forward to a week of job discovering followed by a week of THE WONDER TOUR taking place in KANSAS.

tonight i told a friend that life with Jesus is one stupendous day after another!
what a privelege, honor, and blessing!

what's so good about bye?

well, the goodbyes have begun. my roommate, amber, would say, "it's not goodbye, it's farewell." i'm not sure which one i like better. atleast with "farewell" you're wishing them well. goodbye? really? what's GOOD about it?

my head knows i'm making the right decision. but, in moments like these (the moments of goodbyes) my heart sure does ponder the rightness of it all.

. drum roll, please .

i know it's been a while since i posted. & let me tell ya that there's been quite a bit goin' on!
first of all, INVISIBLE CHILDREN has captured my heart (again). my roommate & had the awesome privilege to take part in April 25 The Rescue event.
*see slideshow for pics & www.invisiblechildren.com for details *

now, onto the tuition trial homefront. BIG NEWS...a final decision has been made!
in 10 hours i will turn in my letter of resignation at work. my final day will be thursday, may 21. my mom & possibly sister will be coming to manhattan to help me pack my life & head down to arkansas.
i will take summer classes through HCC (where i've been taking classes so far) and begin at NWACC (in rogers, arkansas) for the spring '10 semester. i will get my degree from University of Arkansas and head into all the glorious goodness that my Creator has for me!

ah. this decision has not been made quickly or without prayer, counsel, and waiting. so, here we go!

WOO PIG SOOIE!!!

door closed? look for the open window

just thought i'd drop a late night note to let y'all know that plans are coming together & i'm excited for what's in store. God & i are having fun filling in the blanks of my life right now.

=)

Bittersweet Denial

Yesterday afternoon I received word from KSU Admissions. My In-State-Tuition has been denied.

I am taking a deep breath and seeking God's counsel for the next step, as well as evaluating my options.

Thanks for your support & prayers,
cbs

waiting for the review

i spoke with the admissions office this morning. they HAVE received my application.
the admissions director will be reviewing my application this afternoon or tomorrow morning.

we'll see...cbs

detox

all my roomies have gone their seperate ways this weekend which has left me in the ideal situation for a "people detox."
do you ever need one of those? no agenda. no people. just time.

ah! so, friday night i went out with leah for some LOOOOOOOOOONG overdue quality time.
saturday, i did some creative creating for a few hours, caught up on some tv shows, watched a movie, and just chilled. it was GREAT!
this morning i woke up with no alarm & thought, "well, i'm up. i'll get ready for church." when i looked at the clock, i realized my morning was gone & church had started without me. so, my people detox time continues.

a couple weeks ago whitney and i were talking about extrovert vs introvert. i'm a fairly outgoing fun-loving person, so i usually assume i'm an extrovert! but, when weekends like this come, i quickly realized that i'm energized by solitude and refreshed by sporadic weekends of silence.

cheers for the detox,
cbs

. i am with you .

what a day! after work i met sarah bideau-cott for dinner. she is my "cheerleader" in this game of life! we caught up on her life of marriage, the farm, & school and my life of work, school, & vision. she spoke such valuable Truth into my situation that i was left with nothing more to say than, "thank you, sarah."

after dinner i met jenni for my 1st night at christian challenge (better known on campus simply as 'challenge'). it is one of the campus ministries here at KSU. during worship, the Holy Spirit spoke directly to my heart through the hymn, Jesus Paid It All.

"I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all.'”

as the night continued, robbie nutter spoke out of genesis 28. as he was reading, these words attacked my heart & left me breathless at the continual, pursuing love of my Father.
Genesis 28:15
"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

to give you a bit of context, my prayer through the entire tuition trial has been
exodus 33:15-17
"Then Moses said to him, 'If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?' And the Lord said to Moses, 'I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.'"

i have been crying out, "Lord, show me where Your Spirit is going. I want to follow you. Please don't get too far ahead of me so I can't catch up. Keep me in the loop, here, God."

during dinner sarah so lovingly took both my hands and said, "Cassie. His Spirit is in you. He is with you. He is not going anywhere. If you go to Washington, DC, He's with you. If you go to Sulphur Springs, Arkansas, He is with you. If you stay in Manhattan, Kansas, He is with you. He is not going anywhere. He is in you. He will never leave you or forsake you. This decision does not cause Him to stay with you or walk away from you. He is with you."

then, tonight, after robbie read genesis 28 he repeated over and over and over, "wherever you are, He is with you. wherever you're going, He is with you. He is with you in your sin. He is with you in your repentance. in your good and your bad. He is with you. God is with you."

Abba~
thank You for Your prevailing truth that rises above circumstances, emotions, or thoughts. thank You for faithfully pursuing me with Your Stubborn Love. i am humbled by Your kindness, silenced by Your goodness, and absolutely in love with Your reality. thank You doesn't begin to communication the level of my gratitude.
with a heart full of humble adoration, i rest in the truth of Your never-leaving Presence. oh, Faithful Father, i breathe deep of Your goodness tonight.
i peacefully rest in Your waiting room, cassiebeth

one step closer

i went to work today (on my day off) to finish filling out my application. my hr manager was SUPER helpful (as always!).
so, now i'm heading to the admissions office to turn it all in & leave it up to them...

on a lighter note === i had tea & prayer with whitney this morning & lunch with my dear friend, kimmery. both of these ladies are genuine God-friends. know what i mean? those friends who loves me, speaks truth into my life, and challenges me no matter what!

so, i've decided the solution to my dilema...all my family & friends (local, national, & international) all need to live in the same area. that way i can laugh with all of you, have lunch with all of you, and live life with all you EVERYDAY! sound good?

seriously, though, i am humbly blessed to be surrounded by love whether here, there, or everywhere. what an incredible God we serve Who is loving enough to interweave our lives in such a beautiful way.

cheers to friendships,
cbs

encouragement in all forms

today marked day 2 of my HR manager being home sick. i don't remember a time that she's missed multiple days in the last 13 months that i've worked at TWHG. but, such is life. apparently patience is the lesson of the week. ;-)

i checked my email when i got home from work & was so encouraged to have received an email from our communications pastor. on sunday i asked for prayer (via our prayer request cards). my pastor was letting me know that he'd be praying for me & that i was doing the right thing by appealing the decision.

that one small email was God's breath of fresh air into my evening.

in God's waiting room, cbs

slow & steady wins the race

today i've been tackling the harder part of the KSU application for resident tuition...financial questions!
i was hoping to get all of it complete, but unfortunately, my HR manager is home sick :'( & she has some information that i need. so, i have everything complete except some insurance questions that linda will help me with (hopefully tomorrow).

...step by step...

place on my journey

this morning as i was laying in bed deciding whether to go to church or not, whitney texted me & asked me to save her a seat. well, that made my decision & up i got...

pastor ryan began preaching out of John 14. in chapter 1 Jesus says:
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me."

the words jumped off the page! though no specifc changes came to my circumstances, my heart is refreshed and ready to face what comes.

wanna join my journey?

i moved to manhattan, kansas in january '08 to attend school. when i arrived, i asked about residency regulations (i.e. how long i had to live here in order to pay in-state-tuition). i was informed of the 6-month policy from a local community college.

a few weeks ago i became aware that the residency regulations for universities is different than the community colleges in kansas. thus, i am now in-eligible for in-state-tuition at KSU because i started taking classes 8 months after moving to kansas instead of 12 months.

last night i filled out the residency application for KSU which i will submit to the admissions office in hopes of them overturning their decision.

stay tuned for residency updates...

bucket list

The Bucket ListPlace an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then send it to your friends (including me). Feel free to add to the list.(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, do the list and tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.) If you don't see the Tag people in the upper right hand corner you are in the wrong place.)Things you have done during your lifetime:
() Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
() Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
() Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost
(x) Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
()Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
() Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
() Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( )Bungee jumped
(x) Gone snowmobiling
( )Lived in more than one country
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(x) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
() Been on a cruise
(x) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
() Been to Disneyland (CA)
(x) Been to Disneyworld (FL)
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
(x) Seen whales in the ocean
() Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
() Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
(x) Been water-skiing
(x) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game
() Been to a National Football League game
( ) Seen Mount Rushmore.
(x) Been white water rafting.

lovin' the freedom

Happy Wednesday Friends!

Ah, what a brisk morning here in Manhattan. I MUST tell you that I'm lovin' the freedom. This morning Whit & I walked to campus for some bible study/prayer time. IT WAS AMAZING!
It continues to leave me speechless when I walk into a situation with NO agenda & soon enough HIS agenda takes over.
BEAUTIFUL..truly BEAUTIFUL.

As I was walking back home I was struck with the freedom we have in our nation (and I couldn't stop smiling. I got some wierd glances from fellow walkers who didn't appear as joyous as me). I am free to attend the college of my choice and receive the degree of my choice. I am free to serve Jehovah GOD of my choice and worship at the church of my choice.

Then - as my thoughts continued - I was brought to joyous tears over my freedom in Christ. Through Him I am free to love, laugh, give, receive, cry, sing, scream, clap, fall on my knees in reverance, jump for joy in praise...I AM FREE!

The closer I cling to Him, the freer I am. What a freeing concept!!!
LOVIN' THE FREEDOM! And, my freedom in Christ cannot be removed by man, laws, or death. This freedom...true freedom in everlasting.

too cute not to share

this past fall i had the joyful privelege of joining my sister, haidee, when she picked up my precious 5-year-old neice, mikey.
on our short drive home mikey asked,

"mama? how can aunt audrea be your sister and a teacher?"
"sisters can be anything they want to be."
after a couple seconds of pondering mikey replied,

"oh. just like you are a sister & a mama, aunt cassie is a sister and a princess, and aunt audrea is a sister and a teacher?"
"exactly!" i proudly proclaimed from the front seat.

it's so great to know my profession as princess has been understood by my 5-year-old. if only the rest of my universe would get the memo. :)

obedience vs sacrifice

can i take a moment to process?

i'm a musician. music stirs my emotions in ways that not much else can. i can be brought to tears in an instant with the right chord progression, vocal melody, or lyrical arrangement.
i'm emotional. it takes effort for me to make decisions based on practicality, reason, and logic. that can be a dangerous combination sometimes. i can be moved to make decisions based on a feeling i get while listening to music that stirs my emotions.

this morning i was in a musical worship setting at church. the worshippers on stage were unified. the music was well-blended. as the lyrics began alluding to the message of "i'll go where You want me to go. i'll do what You want me to do," all i wanted was to hear God say, "this is where I want you to go. this is what I want you to do." that moment didn't come. instead i heard the Spirit whisper in my soul, "obedience is better than sacrifice," and i knew this was not the time for going and doing. this, instead, was the time for steadfast faithfulness in complete obedience to what i know God is asking me to do.so, i will remain until the Spirit says, "this is where. this is when. this is what."

obedience, in this moment, is much harder than sacrifice. perhaps, that's why that is what He's asking of me. but in the end, my friends, it will be SO worth it!

1 year anniversary...almost

that's right folks! can you believe it?! january 10 will be my 1 year anniversary in the li'l apple. WOW. in some ways the year has crept by and felt never-ending, but, as always, looking back i see how quickly the time actually flew by.

i have successfully completed my 1st semester of college and am gearing up for semester 2!
i moved into my new home on december 17 & am looking forward to getting to know my amazing FOUR roommates. in some ways, i feel like i'm back in the YWAM way of life (WHICH I LOVED) so the next 5 months promise to be fun-filled adventures for sure.

2009 holds numerous mini-vacations which begin in just a few short days. i'm flying to arizona to spend a week with Willy & Adrienne Sotomayor who welcomed their 1st son into our world on December 23. then, in feburary i'm off to california for a long weekend with Livy Dumanovsky. while i'm there she'll be hosting her annual youth conference & i'm quite excited to get lost in the world of crazy teens again!!! :) in addition to these fun trips, i'll be going to Oklahoma City with my sisters for our annual Spring Break-Away & lounging on the beaches of North Carolina in June with Audrea & Kahlief. GLORIOUS.

in between the travels i'll continue working full-time at The Women's Health Group here in Manhattan and attending college full-time. good times...good times.

the past month or so i have been burdened to intercede regularly for our nation. i don't know what will come of this (group prayer meetings, solo prayer times, etc). i'll keep you posted as it all plays out.